I had a deeper post on life in Korea...

then I decided it was boring. And preachy. Possibly self-serving. The twitter version of an entirely too long post: Korea is not America, not even the Cerritos version.

Instead I thought I would ramble on about non-sensical things. Once, I thought I knew everything. I knew what was right and wrong, I was too smart to give in to do the work... I thought I would rule the world by the time I was 30. Somewhere, somehow, I lost that attitude, presumably for the better. Yet, despite these grand, sweeping plans, I entered a profession that demands exactness and an attention to detail, two traits that I still lack today. Became someone that wanted what others had, envied those who were granted more, had no pity for those who did not.

I must admit, I've done some "oh what the hell was I thinking" things in my life. Mistreated friends, outright lied, care about non-sensical things and worst of all, made my parents feel like they were unworthy to be my parents. Yet, in my inifinite pool of self-fill in the adjective, I think I'm still a good person at the core.

Unfortunately, unlike most of my other posts, this post doesn't end with a happy thought or a life-altering insight. No proclamations of change, no declarations of a new Jae. I went from wondering why I chose to go to a second rate college to attending an ivy league law school that wasn't quite good enough to a miserable money-whoring job to a position in Korea that opens doors unlike any I've ever seen before. Yet I write on my blog, like some emo-punk 17 year old that can't decide what he wants to do with his life. Perhaps I am too comfortable with myself, perhaps I am not comfortable enough.

Money is not the answer... maybe I just never had enough of it, but I don't think so. Maybe power, but I don't think there is enough of it around to satisfy. Love perhaps? I see all the wedding and baby pictures and a part of me wishes I had that while another part wants to die. I want the freedom to what I wish... except what I want to do doesn't seem all that great... except to have to give that up seems so harsh. I want to meet the perfect woman... what if she's not the one and I just think she is and I wind up miserable and wonder what my life could have been.

Am I unhappy? No. Am I happy? No. Do I like living in Korea? Yes. Do I want to get out of Korea? Yes. Do I want to go back to the US? No. What will this post do for me? Probably nothing. Yet I felt the need to do so, likely triggering a lot of unnecessary attention from my friends. Maybe that's what I like, the feeling that through facebook comments, I have friends that appreciate me. Maybe?